All the things I wish I'd known before becoming a mum
No one would ever dare saying that being a first-time parent is a walk in the park. Often new parents are getting ‘ready’ for their baby by focusing on the practical aspects (nappies, milk, clothes…) because it feels tangible and manageable. Everything else, most parents learn the long and hard way but we’d all agree it’s totally worth it.
With all the new parents in mind, I’ve gathered testimonies from 20 mums (me included!) willing to share with you their realistic and powerful experiences about parenthood. All the things we wish we knew before becoming a mum or dad. I hope this will give you some pointers and reassurances that you’re going to do a great job (just not a perfect one and that’s ok!).
Follow your guts as a parent
“I wish I'd had the confidence to follow my own instincts more when my son was in his first year!”
Jackie
“I wish I’d known that you can follow your instincts and not listen to advice from others.
My biggest regret is breast feeding. I wish I had continued my journey and not listened to others who pressured me to bottle feed and post natal depression. There is still a stigma, again I wish I had ignored others' advice.”
~ Ayanna ~
“That there are so many opinions about how to parent. You can google what to do with this that or the other and there is no rule book. There are thousands of them! I wish I'd had the confidence to follow my own instincts more when my son was in his first year!”
~ Jackie ~
Self discovery
“I wish I’d known just how much my own childhood has affected how I raise/don’t raise my children.”
Sally
“That no matter how many degrees you have, your children are your most important teachers who will demand from you to constantly learn and grow with them, improve yourself, and accept imperfection.”
~ Nina ~
“That they will shake up your core values and turn everything upside down in the most wonderful way.”
~ Gemma ~
Make time for yourself
“With the birth of a child, also comes the birth of a mother... a wonderful role, yet dripping with hidden layers of expectation from the outside world. Self-care is no longer a luxury, but a necessity, and gender imbalance may enter your home in a way that didn't exist before. Make time for YOU in the process.”
~ EJ ~
It’s all about phases
You will forget. When we are into a “phase”, you feel 100% in it so it’s hard to imagine that you will ever forget it…but you will. In the early weeks, my husband and I used to write down in a note book the number of feeds our son was getting, tracking his sleep pattern, etc… The same for potty training; we went through it but don’t ask me how! Now that my son is 6, I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about this period, it’s all a blur. I’m glad my mind is making space for new memories though. In a way, the regular photos I’m taking of my son allow me to revisit these times so make sure you have photos of these phases, however long and challenging they may seem at the time.
“That all the times when they are little and you think ‘it will be easier when they are older/walking/eating solids/sleeping/play by themselves/at school/at secondary school/able to cook etc etc etc. It isn’t. It’s differently challenging so embrace the phase - it is only a phase, it does pass but don’t ever kid yourself that it becomes magically simple...”
~ Jackie ~
“Not necessarily what I wish I'd known, but the best piece of advice I was given from a work colleague before I left on maternity leave with my first child was that if there is a period of time with them that you're not keen on, it's only a phase and it will end! That stood me in good stead with sleepless nights, teething, potty training etc...! Just keep smiling!
~ Zoe ~
Learn to let go
You can’t protect your children from all their problems and worries. When they are little, you have the feeling you can magically cure any of their bruises or make them forget a fall by “kissing them better”. As my son is getting older, I’m realising that I won’t always be able to help him with his personal struggles, especially the emotional and psychological ones he’ll experience with friendships, love stories and general social interactions. I’ll be here to help him lash out his anger and frustration (lucky me!), I will empathise with his relationship disappointments but I won’t be able to magically make them disappear. It takes time to accept this hard truth but I will get there, with him, for him.
“Give up the notion of ‘doing it right’. You’re going to mess up sometimes and that is how we learn. What if you believed your kid chose you, so you’re the perfect parent for them? Perfectly imperfect and good enough.”
~ Emily ~
“I don’t worry about the small things any more! Or sometimes even the big things! I have my work cut out just keeping humans alive. I don’t have time for extra drama.
~ Holly ~
Parenthood as a career booster
“ {Being a mum} makes me more courageous in my business (e.g. not shying away from getting paid) as it has to support not just me, but my son.... and also that the sleep deprivation in the early days of motherhood isn't like cramming for exams and all over in a few weeks (which is what I thought it would be like and therefore manageable)... it can go on for years.”
~ Wendy ~
“Your career and work-life can be better than before you had children.”
Ruth
“There is a lot of negative press and talk on social media about working and parenting. What you don't see or hear are all the success stories and the women designing and creating their own lives their way.”
~ Ruth ~
Dialogue with your child is key
“Teach them to talk. Tell them they can always come to you for help because sometimes they will need the experience an adult has. Give them a dedicated adult they trust and tell them they can go to that person if they feel they can't talk to you. It can lead to some difficult conversations but my now adult children have told me several times how they feel they can talk to me about anything. And how sad they feel for their friends who can't.”
~ Chris ~
That time does fly (it’s not a myth)
“That toddlers say the funniest things, particularly when they are upset and you shouldn’t laugh. I wish I’d thought to keep a journal of the things mine have said.”
~ Katie ~
Love is so powerful
“ That you can go from incredible joy, to sheer frustration to utter boredom in about an hour, but it's all OK because the love holds it all together.”
~ Alice ~
“That you will never love, fear, get angry, frustrated, feel useless or feel proud as hard as you will as a mother.
~ Anne ~
“That having the children is not the same as being a parent, it’s just the start of a long and hard journey of tiredness and compromise, love and laughter.”
~ Emma ~
“Parenthood is the greatest and hardest journey that you will ever have to go on and you can’t predict any of it!”
Louise
This last quote probably summarises all the things we can’t even fathom before entering this crazy and unpredictable world that is parenthood. If you are starting this journey, don’t be scared. It might not be what you thought it was but it’s going to be bigger and better than you can imagine (and probably more stressful too!). Repeat after me: “Everything’s gonna be alright”.
The same as childhood, parenthood goes as quick as a flash. We long for it, moan about it at times but we wouldn’t change it for the world. If you love the idea of documenting your family memories, your children’s childhood - whatever ‘phase’ he/she is - drop me a line via my Contact form here and tell me all about the photos you would like to create and cherish.
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Marion & You Photography is a photographer in South London specialising in family, newborn and baby photography.